Death is an undeniable aspect of the human experience, yet it remains one of the least discussed subjects in our society. We avoid talking about it, even though we’re surrounded by death all our lives, and it’s the final transition we go through. By avoiding the topic of death, we miss out on opportunities to grow both personally and in our relationships with others. It’s only by confronting it head-on that we can truly find peace in the face of this inevitable transition.
Main Causes of Fear Surrounding This Transition
There are many reasons why thinking of our final transition might be scary, but one of the main causes could be that staying silent about it does us no favors. After all, we “fear the unknown,” and death is one of the greatest unknowns in life.
Grief may also impact our view of death. However, a big part of the pain of grief – again – is the fact that people don’t talk about it. When a loved one is no longer with you, you should talk about them to the people closest to you. To tiptoe around the elephant in the room is painful for everyone involved. The person you lost was a life – and, in many cases, a major part of your life. You can and should grieve that for as long as it takes.
It’s also important to prepare your kids for death by being honest about the reality of it.
If you can, start slow by saying that you’re sad because a pet died – or your friend died. If you’ve experienced a death in your family, letting your child be involved in the memorial can bring a great deal of peace, too. As is true in many other areas of communication, age-appropriate honesty and clarity are good rules of thumb.
To find peace in the face of death, we need to embrace our mortality and realize that this transition will happen to us one day. Acceptance and surrender are key parts of the process. By acknowledging that death is part of life, we can begin to let go of our fear and resistance. It is through acceptance that we can find meaning and purpose, knowing that our time is limited.
This allows us to prioritize what truly matters and live life to the fullest. Each moment becomes more precious, and we become more present and engaged.
Part of this is also to “death-proof” your life. Another reason death could scare us is because we don’t want life to end – we have so much left to do!
But if you live every day as if it’s your last by not putting things off, you will minimize the regrets you have as you face death. This also helps prevent regrets your loved ones could have from strained relationships. Treating every day as if it’s your last – and dealing with your unresolved anger – can be a huge step in the right direction.
Ruminating on death – as strange as it may sound – can also help. Caitlin Doughty of “Ask a Mortician” has an informative YouTube channel dedicated to unpacking death. She talks about historical and cultural traditions surrounding death and more.
You can plan for the practical aspects of death by asking yourself:
Do I want to be cremated, buried naturally, or embalmed – or something else?
What do I want my funeral service(s) to be like?
Is there anything I’d like in my casket (if not cremated)?
What pictures do I want to be shared at my funeral? (Create a shared album!)
What songs do I want to be played at my funeral? (Create a playlist!)
What do I want to be remembered for?
What do I want my obituary to say? (Write it yourself!)
Finding Peace in the Face of Death
Several strategies can help us find peace when confronted with the reality of death. Meditation and mindfulness can be powerful in fostering a sense of calm and acceptance. By focusing on the “now” and accepting our thoughts and emotions without judgment, we can remember the impermanence of life and find peace.
Connecting with nature is another effective way to find solace in the face of death. Time outdoors, surrounded by the beauty and wonder of the natural world, can remind us of the cycles of life and the interconnectedness of all living things. Nature has a way of putting things into perspective.
Spiritual guidance can also provide comfort and support. Whether through religious practices or personal beliefs, spirituality helps us understand and navigate the mysteries of life and death. Connecting with something greater than ourselves can bring a feeling of peace and purpose.
Support Systems
Strong support systems are vital throughout our lives. Family and friends can provide a great deal of emotional support and companionship during difficult times. Sharing our fears, worries, and emotions with loved ones can lighten our burdens and help us feel less alone in our journey.
Our support systems help us celebrate new life – and they help us cope with life lost. When loved ones have been on the brink of death (or even approaching unknown circumstances in their lives), friends and family show up early in the morning and late at night to support us, share resources, and provide light in an otherwise dark time.
If you’ve recently lost a loved one and have no idea what to say when they tell you, “Let me know if you need anything” (or if you’re the one asking), we’ve got you! Keep reading to learn how to sign up for our newsletter, where you can get helpful resources like “15 Ways You Can Help a Friend Who is Grieving the Loss of a Loved One”! (Coming soon!)
Therapy and counseling can also help you navigate the complex emotions that crop up when confronting death. A trained professional can provide guidance and help you process your feelings, offering tools and strategies for finding peace and acceptance. (Real talk: when April’s mother-in-law died, her therapist was the first person she called after the funeral home.)
Support groups are another valuable resource. Connecting with those who have experienced similar loss or are facing their mortality can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. Sharing stories can be cathartic and can offer new perspectives about your experience.
Legacy and Leaving an Impact
Thinking about our legacy is another way we can find peace. Documenting our personal stories, whether through writing or other self-expression, can help us reflect on our lives and leave a lasting impact. By sharing our experiences, wisdom, and lessons learned, we can inspire others. If you wonder what you’d be leaving unsaid if you died tomorrow, writing it out and leaving a message for the people you love can put your mind at ease.
Acts of kindness and service are another meaningful way to leave an impact. By choosing acts of love and compassion, we create a ripple effect that goes far beyond our own existence. Small gestures of kindness can bring comfort and joy to others, and they can also bring us a sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Building relationships is also crucial in finding peace in the face of death. Nurturing connections with loved ones and building meaningful relationships allows us to leave a lasting impact on the lives of others. When we invest in our relationships and foster deep connections, we can find solace in the knowledge that we have made a difference in the lives of those we love.
Maya Angelou once told a beautiful story of her Uncle Willie and the legacy he left. Chances are that her uncle never knew the great impact he left – not only on his niece but on the other people he interacted with.
Legacy is something that we are always unintentionally building. Build it well!
Finding Peace Through Planning for the Future
Embracing the journey and finding peace in the face of death is a deeply personal and transformative process. Acknowledging the reality of our mortality and embracing death as an integral part of life helps us find solace. Through practices like meditation, connecting with nature, seeking spiritual guidance, and leaning on our support systems, we can navigate the complex journey of confronting death.
Leaving a positive legacy and cultivating meaningful relationships can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Ultimately, by embracing the journey and confronting death with an open heart and a willingness to explore the unknown, we can find peace, growth, and enlightenment.
When it comes to estate planning, you’ve probably heard advice like, “You need a trust” or “Avoid probate at all costs.” While these ideas might hold true for some, not everyone needs a trust, and probate can sometimes be an appropriate step. Understanding these topics can help you make informed decisions for your family. Let’s break down why:
What Is a Trust?
A trust is a legal arrangement that allows you to transfer assets to a Trustee. This person manages the trust for those you want to benefit. One of the advantages is that it helps avoid probate—the court-supervised process of transfering your assets after death. Trusts can provide an additional level of privacy, speed up the transfer of assets, and offer protection for your loved ones in difficult times.
Disadvantages of a Trust
While trusts offer many benefits, they aren’t essential for everyone. For example:
Trusts Can Be Expensive Setting up a trust requires meeting with an attorney to prepare the trust documents and potentially hiring professionals to administer it, which can be costly. For some individuals, these expenses outweigh the potential benefits, particularly if there are simpler ways to achieve the same goals. For example, if your family is in agreement, the Court can waive the requirement of making your assets public.
Trusts Need Active Management Once a trust is created, it needs ongoing attention. You have to transfer assets into the trust, update it as your financial situation changes, and ensure that it remains aligned with your wishes. This level of involvement is unnecessary if simpler tools can efficiently achieve your goals.
How to Save Money on Your Estate Plan with a Will vs. Trust
You’ve probably heard that you want to avoid probate. But in many cases, it’s not as bad as you may think. In fact, sometimes it’s a good thing!
In Some States, Probate Is Streamlined Each state has its own process for probate. Some states, like California and Florida, are complex enough that having a trust is a good idea for most people. However, in Tennessee, probate can be relatively quick, inexpensive, and straightforward, making it less of a concern. Of course, it’s a good idea to listen to your attorney about what is best for your family.
It Provides Oversight Probate ensures that a court oversees the distribution of assets, which can be beneficial for resolving disputes or ensuring that creditors are paid. For families with potential disagreements, this legal oversight might prevent further conflicts.
Not All Assets Go Through Probate Assets such as life insurance policies, retirement accounts, and some jointly owned property pass directly to beneficiaries. If your estate consists of these types of assets, putting them in a trust may not make much sense. In fact, many people structure their estate planning so that nothing will go through probate and then use a will as a back-up plan. (Because you know we always want to have a back-up plan!)
Is a Trust Right for Me?
While it may not be for everyone, a trust may be a good choice if:
You have a large or complex estate.
You own property in multiple states (which could trigger probate in each state).
You want to maintain privacy regarding the distribution of your assets.
You have minor children or beneficiaries who require special care.
Depending on your situation, your attorney may even recommend using a trust as a part of your will, which can be less expensive and time-consuming than creating a stand-alone trust.
Estate planning is not one-size-fits-all, and the decision to create a trust should be tailored to your unique situation. Your estate planning attorney should be able to help you weigh the costs and benefits, address any “what ifs, and explain how the plan reflects your goals. Ultimately, the key is to create a plan that provides peace of mind for you and your loved ones, whatever form that may take.
If you have questions about trusts or other estate planning tools, reach out to our office. We’re here to help you navigate the process and make the best choices for your future.
Last week we looked at red flags you should pay attention to with regards to caregivers and professionals in your network. This week we’ll look at how to prevent abusive caregiver situations and how to deal with abuse once it has occurred. Below are some actions you can take to guard against people in your network taking advantage of you.
Things you can do now:
Take advantage of your free yearly credit report.
You can get a free credit report from each of the three credit reporting agencies (Experian, TransUnion and Equifax). Hot tip! Space them out! Sign up to get one every four months. This will make it easier to discover any irregular activity fairly quickly.
Ask your banker if they have completed the “BankSafe” program from AARP.
BankSafe is a training platform designed to help financial professionals identify and stop suspected exploitations from caregivers. Ask your bank if they have participated in this training. If your bank has not had this training, encourage them to do so! Or consider moving funds to a bank or credit union that has already participated.
Budget for paid assistance.
Remember that as much as family and friends may want to help, sometimes they can’t. It’s important to make sure that you are able to afford assistance for things like traveling to appointments, grocery shopping, laundry, nutritious meals, cleaning, and other personal help you may need if you were injured or developed a medical condition. Endeavor to have enough of your retirement savings to ensure you can afford a positive work environment for your future caregivers.
Create a Durable Power of Attorney
Create a Durable Power of Attorney.
This Power of Attorney allows someone you trust to monitor and manage your finances, if needed. This could be a family member or close friend. With access to bank accounts and credit card statements, they should be able to notice quickly if your spending habits change or if there is fraudulent activity on your account and they’ll be able to file a claim to protect your money!
Things to keep in mind for later:
Listen to your loved ones.
If you have a caregiver that is not in your family, do yourself a favor and trust a loved one’s opinion if they sense unsettling behavior from that caregiver. Sometimes others are able to see things that we are too close to observe.
Don’t become too reliant on one person.
You can have a housekeeper come every other week to clean the surfaces, a home health nurse to check on your health, and a food delivery service to prepare your meals or deliver groceries. Surround yourself with people who like their jobs.
Let family and friends know you welcome their visits and calls.
Tell them what has been going on in your life and find out what is going on with them. Maybe a few favorite snacks in the cupboard will even bring the grandkids by.
Let family and friends know you welcome their visits
Don’t give up your routines.
Self-care is so important, we all know that! If you feel yourself falling into a slump, get outdoors, go to the store, call a friend or ask someone for help. You deserve to be loved and to love yourself. No matter what anyone says, you are the conductor of your life.
“Stranger danger” isn’t just for children.
As adults we get comfortable interacting with all kinds of people, but remember that not everyone has your best interest in mind. Beware of helpful people who appear out of nowhere! Trust your instincts and listen to your inner-voice.
Don’t keep secrets.
If anyone tells you to keep a secret from your friends or family, something is very wrong. Red alert!
Report anyone who threatens to physically harm you.
Call the police and tell your trusted loved ones. There are no second chances when it comes to your personal safety.
Practice being assertive with others
Remember that “no” is a complete sentence.
If you are a people pleaser, practice different ways of saying “no” so you’ll be more comfortable in situations where you need to say it.
Disclaimer
This website is an attorney advertisement. It is not legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship with the viewer.
