Death is an undeniable aspect of the human experience, yet it remains one of the least discussed subjects in our society. We avoid talking about it, even though we’re surrounded by death all our lives, and it’s the final transition we go through. By avoiding the topic of death, we miss out on opportunities to grow both personally and in our relationships with others. It’s only by confronting it head-on that we can truly find peace in the face of this inevitable transition.
Main Causes of Fear Surrounding This Transition
There are many reasons why thinking of our final transition might be scary, but one of the main causes could be that staying silent about it does us no favors. After all, we “fear the unknown,” and death is one of the greatest unknowns in life.
Grief may also impact our view of death. However, a big part of the pain of grief – again – is the fact that people don’t talk about it. When a loved one is no longer with you, you should talk about them to the people closest to you. To tiptoe around the elephant in the room is painful for everyone involved. The person you lost was a life – and, in many cases, a major part of your life. You can and should grieve that for as long as it takes.
It’s also important to prepare your kids for death by being honest about the reality of it.
If you can, start slow by saying that you’re sad because a pet died – or your friend died. If you’ve experienced a death in your family, letting your child be involved in the memorial can bring a great deal of peace, too. As is true in many other areas of communication, age-appropriate honesty and clarity are good rules of thumb.
To find peace in the face of death, we need to embrace our mortality and realize that this transition will happen to us one day. Acceptance and surrender are key parts of the process. By acknowledging that death is part of life, we can begin to let go of our fear and resistance. It is through acceptance that we can find meaning and purpose, knowing that our time is limited.
This allows us to prioritize what truly matters and live life to the fullest. Each moment becomes more precious, and we become more present and engaged.
Part of this is also to “death-proof” your life. Another reason death could scare us is because we don’t want life to end – we have so much left to do!
But if you live every day as if it’s your last by not putting things off, you will minimize the regrets you have as you face death. This also helps prevent regrets your loved ones could have from strained relationships. Treating every day as if it’s your last – and dealing with your unresolved anger – can be a huge step in the right direction.
Ruminating on death – as strange as it may sound – can also help. Caitlin Doughty of “Ask a Mortician” has an informative YouTube channel dedicated to unpacking death. She talks about historical and cultural traditions surrounding death and more.
You can plan for the practical aspects of death by asking yourself:
Do I want to be cremated, buried naturally, or embalmed – or something else?
What do I want my funeral service(s) to be like?
Is there anything I’d like in my casket (if not cremated)?
What pictures do I want to be shared at my funeral? (Create a shared album!)
What songs do I want to be played at my funeral? (Create a playlist!)
What do I want to be remembered for?
What do I want my obituary to say? (Write it yourself!)
Finding Peace in the Face of Death
Several strategies can help us find peace when confronted with the reality of death. Meditation and mindfulness can be powerful in fostering a sense of calm and acceptance. By focusing on the “now” and accepting our thoughts and emotions without judgment, we can remember the impermanence of life and find peace.
Connecting with nature is another effective way to find solace in the face of death. Time outdoors, surrounded by the beauty and wonder of the natural world, can remind us of the cycles of life and the interconnectedness of all living things. Nature has a way of putting things into perspective.
Spiritual guidance can also provide comfort and support. Whether through religious practices or personal beliefs, spirituality helps us understand and navigate the mysteries of life and death. Connecting with something greater than ourselves can bring a feeling of peace and purpose.
Support Systems
Strong support systems are vital throughout our lives. Family and friends can provide a great deal of emotional support and companionship during difficult times. Sharing our fears, worries, and emotions with loved ones can lighten our burdens and help us feel less alone in our journey.
Our support systems help us celebrate new life – and they help us cope with life lost. When loved ones have been on the brink of death (or even approaching unknown circumstances in their lives), friends and family show up early in the morning and late at night to support us, share resources, and provide light in an otherwise dark time.
If you’ve recently lost a loved one and have no idea what to say when they tell you, “Let me know if you need anything” (or if you’re the one asking), we’ve got you! Keep reading to learn how to sign up for our newsletter, where you can get helpful resources like “15 Ways You Can Help a Friend Who is Grieving the Loss of a Loved One”! (Coming soon!)
Therapy and counseling can also help you navigate the complex emotions that crop up when confronting death. A trained professional can provide guidance and help you process your feelings, offering tools and strategies for finding peace and acceptance. (Real talk: when April’s mother-in-law died, her therapist was the first person she called after the funeral home.)
Support groups are another valuable resource. Connecting with those who have experienced similar loss or are facing their mortality can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. Sharing stories can be cathartic and can offer new perspectives about your experience.
Legacy and Leaving an Impact
Thinking about our legacy is another way we can find peace. Documenting our personal stories, whether through writing or other self-expression, can help us reflect on our lives and leave a lasting impact. By sharing our experiences, wisdom, and lessons learned, we can inspire others. If you wonder what you’d be leaving unsaid if you died tomorrow, writing it out and leaving a message for the people you love can put your mind at ease.
Acts of kindness and service are another meaningful way to leave an impact. By choosing acts of love and compassion, we create a ripple effect that goes far beyond our own existence. Small gestures of kindness can bring comfort and joy to others, and they can also bring us a sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Building relationships is also crucial in finding peace in the face of death. Nurturing connections with loved ones and building meaningful relationships allows us to leave a lasting impact on the lives of others. When we invest in our relationships and foster deep connections, we can find solace in the knowledge that we have made a difference in the lives of those we love.
Maya Angelou once told a beautiful story of her Uncle Willie and the legacy he left. Chances are that her uncle never knew the great impact he left – not only on his niece but on the other people he interacted with.
Legacy is something that we are always unintentionally building. Build it well!
Finding Peace Through Planning for the Future
Embracing the journey and finding peace in the face of death is a deeply personal and transformative process. Acknowledging the reality of our mortality and embracing death as an integral part of life helps us find solace. Through practices like meditation, connecting with nature, seeking spiritual guidance, and leaning on our support systems, we can navigate the complex journey of confronting death.
Leaving a positive legacy and cultivating meaningful relationships can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Ultimately, by embracing the journey and confronting death with an open heart and a willingness to explore the unknown, we can find peace, growth, and enlightenment.
Last week we defined TennCare and how it applies to our clients. This week I want to go more in-depth with how TennCare serves Tennesseans with long-term care.
Many people believe that Medicare benefits will cover nursing home care once an individual is 65 or older, but this simply isn’t true. While Medicare covers the first 100 days, it doesn’t cover long-term assisted living. Read more about Medicare here.
“ Choices” is Tennessee’s Medicaid program for long-term care services and support
Back to TennCare/Medicaid…
My Mom doesn’t have long-term healthcare insurance. What are my options?
Payout of pocket until you run out of cash – This is an unrealistic option for most families. Nursing home care is expensive. Not a lot of people have an extra $7,000-$11,000 a month in their bank accounts.
Do a reverse mortgage on her home.
Qualify for the TennCare / Medicaid program called “CHOICES”.
As you can see, options 1 and 2 are very unpleasant and leave nothing left for a loved one’s legacy. However, option 3, CHOICES, is definitely something worth looking into.
What is CHOICES?
CHOICES is the category of TennCare that provides Long-Term Services and Supports (LTSS) such as nursing home care.
What is the process for getting qualified for CHOICES?
In order to be eligible to receive benefits from TennCare/Medicaid your loved one must first qualify within these three categories:
Medical eligibility
Income threshold
Asset threshold
Being medically and financially eligible is necessary for TennCare approval
How does someone become medically eligible for TennCare CHOICES?
The state of Tennessee will determine who is medically eligible to receive TennCare Long-Term Services and Support (LTSS) by using a pre-admission evaluation (PAE). This PAE is used to determine if the applicant can do basic life skills on their own without help. The PAE will also determine if the applicant is safe in their current environment.
The PAE is a strict evaluation and it is performed on a case-by-case basis. An applicant must receive a score of 9 or higher on a 26 point scale in order to be considered medically eligible for TennCare Long-Term Support Services.
For example, a caregiver or healthcare provider may be asked about a patient’s level of ability to do things and how much assistance is needed.
The following Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) are covered in the PAE evaluation:
Transfering
Mobility
Communication
Medication
Orientation
Eating
Behavior
If you or your loved one is unlikely to get to a nine or higher on the PAE, it is always appropriate to ask for a “safety determination” evaluation as an alternative route of becoming medically eligible for Choices.
How can someone become financially eligible to receive CHOICES?
You must be able to prove that the applicant has a low income and little assets. As of January 2022, an individual applying for TennCare CHOICES cannot have an income exceeding $2,523.00 per month. Additionally, the applicant cannot have more than $2,000 in assets. This includes any money in the bank and investment accounts but also requires consideration of retirement accounts, life insurance policies, real estate, artwork, jewelry, and any other valuables. When we talk about the assets for a couple of things get a little more complex. The most important thing is that both the applicant and their family are taken care of, both medically and financially.
My Mom is over the limits for income and assets? What do we do?
If the applicant is in excess of the amounts we can plan for that! We have a tool to help people who have excess income and assets yet need to qualify for TennCare/Medicaid called the “Care and Savings Assessment”. With this Care and Savings Assessment, we work to determine the best way to structure you or your loved one’s finances, either now or in the future. We plan so that our clients have the peace of mind knowing they can qualify for TennCare if and when they need it!
In conclusion
It is often helpful to have an attorney assess your financial situation and offer recommendations on how those finances may be restructured to qualify for TennCare Long-Term Services and Support (LTSS). As an experienced TennCare planning attorney, I can help you evaluate your risk and create a plan that takes care of everyone in the family.
Are you ready for help with TennCare planning? Contact us and we can discuss your plan. Next week we will go over some examples of how we restructure an individual’s finances to meet their needs for long-term care.
When one spouse wants to disinherit the other, but they are still married, it can be a complicated process. In most cases, disinheriting a spouse is only possible if you have a valid prenuptial agreement or if you are divorced.
Let’s illustrate this with an example:
Jack and Jill have been married for five years, and have one child together. Their house was purchased by Jill before they were married, and Jack’s name was never added to the deed.
Jill recently discovered that Jack is cheating on her with the Instacart shopper. She and Jack are now separated and have started the divorce process, but she wants to make sure that if she dies before the divorce is final that Jack won’t get anything from her.
What can Jill do?
Jill can disinherit her spouse after the divorce
Unfortunately, Jill cannot disinherit Jack until she files for divorce. Tennessee law does not allow you to disinherit your spouse- even if you write a will that says that! My advice is to get divorced as quickly as possible. Unless divorced, Jack is entitled to his share.
The good news is that once divorce papers have been filed, there will be an automatic injunction that specifies that the pair no longer have spousal rights on the property through marriage. This is primarily to protect things like bank accounts, real estate, relationships with the children, and health insurance coverage. However, all that does is prevent money from being spent by either spouse outside of regular expenses. Jill won’t be able to do anything, like estate planning, until after the divorce has been settled or through special permission from a judge.
In the meantime, there are still a few steps Jill can take:
Utilize her prenuptial agreement
Jack and Jill signed a prenuptial agreement prior to their marriage. In it, they waived the right to inherit from each other. All Jill needs to do now is to rewrite her will to specifically omit Jack.
Divide assets into separate trusts
Jill can establish a trust under her name and place the house in it. Since Jack’s name isn’t on the deed or on the trust, he has no right to the house if Jill were to pass before the divorce is finalized.
Rewrite her will
Jill can rewrite her will so that Jack only gets what he is entitled to by law, called his elective share. In Tennessee, spouses are entitled to a homestead allowance, a year of support, and elective share. The elective share amount depends on how long you are married.
Hire a family law attorney
The divorce will go much quicker with the help of a family law attorney.
Jill can get a jump start on planning her estate.
Finally, if Jill is preparing for a divorce, she can take advantage of all the legal documents at her fingertips and get a head start on creating the estate plan she desires. Once her divorce decree is finalized, she can meet with her lawyer and sign the document to make it valid.
Are you getting a divorce and want to start over with your own will and estate plan in Tennessee? Are you looking for a referral to a family law attorney? Let us know! We are happy to help you make plans for your new life. Not sure where to start? Give us a call. We offer a complimentary 15-minute call to see if we are the right fit for you and your situation. You can schedule your call by clicking here.
In some families, every gathering is another opportunity for disputes, whether you’re meeting up after a death in the family or a holiday. Maybe you just have a uncle who thinks he’s entitled to everything after your mom passes.
No matter what the issue is, let’s see if we can keep the peace among family (and non-family) during the estate planning process! Put the boxing gloves down and keep reading.
Begin with the End in Mind
Start with the goal of clear skies and peaceful resolutions. Visualizing a successful meeting where everyone leaves with a handshake can set a positive tone.
Remember, it’s not just about dividing assets; it’s about honoring relationships and the legacy of the will maker.
Timing is Everything
Just like planting your tomatoes after the last frost, timing in estate discussions is key.
Choose a moment when stress levels are lower, perhaps after a family dinner. (Maybe skip the moonshine to keep heads clear – but good luck keeping the uncle away from it!)
By allowing everyone to digest both the meal and the information, you’ll be setting the stage for a fruitful conversation.
Bring in a Neutral Party
Sometimes, it helps to have someone who isn’t Uncle Bob facilitating the discussion. An attorney experienced with family dynamics can guide the conversation without the risk of playing favorites.
Listen Like You Mean It
Active listening is like making biscuits from scratch — it takes patience and practice. Nodding along and providing a safe space for each family member to share their thoughts allows for open communication and reduces misunderstandings.
(This doesn’t mean not to speak up – just follow the golden rule and listen before you state your feelings on the matter.)
Embrace the Emotional
Acknowledge that emotions will be as present as fireflies on a humid Tennessee night. It’s natural for folks to feel a whirlwind of sentiments when it comes to inheritance. The key is to address these feelings with empathy and respect. “No apologies” is not a great way to live your life!
Document, Document, Document
Such important conversations deserve more than a handshake and a “y’all remember this now.”
Having the decisions made in these talks put down on paper by an attorney ensures that everyone’s memory stays as sharp as the details in a log cabin quilt.
Education is Your Best Friend
Familiarize yourself with estate planning essentials by visiting reputable sources like this one on estate planning. Understanding the basics can help you steer the conversation and clarify common misconceptions.
Keep It Light
While discussing the future can be as daunting as facing a bluff on the Cumberland Plateau, a touch of humor can ease the tension.
After all, we’re aiming for a family gathering, not a courtroom battle.
Graceful Aging Legal Services: A Neutral Third Party
Remember, estate discussions don’t have to be as much fun as a thunderstorm at a picnic. With these strategies, you can transform family estate planning into a process as peaceful as a Tennessee sunrise.
Consider us as your companions on this journey, offering a range of services to ensure that your family discussions avoid trouble as much as possible.
When you aren’t clear about your wishes, you leave a blank space for your loved ones to try to fill in. This can be incredibly stressful to them – even if you’ve expressed your wishes to them but didn’t write them down – so it’s important to know your wishes ahead of time. Learn what could happen to you if you don’t make your wishes known.
What Happens if You Become Incapacitated in Tennessee?
If you become incapacitated in Tennessee (a temporary coma, for instance,) and have no medical power of attorney set, your loved ones may have to go to court and then a judge will decide who can make medical decisions for you if you’re unable to communicate your wishes.
Trying to determine your wishes after you can no longer express them can be an extremely stressful time for your family, which is why it’s so important to communicate your wishes ahead of time, just in case anything happens to you.
What Happens if You Die without a Will or Trust in Tennessee?
If you die without a will, that is called “intestate.” This means that whatever inheritance you leave behind, including your property, is subject to Tennessee intestate succession laws. Intestate laws typically leave your property to your surviving spouse and/or children, but parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews could become eligible too.
Here’s a quick breakdown of what would happen in Tennessee if you are married or have children:
If you have a spouse but no children, the spouse would inherit your entire estate, even if you’re separated.
If you have a spouse and children, the estate would be divided equally among all parties (except that the spouse can receive no less than 33% of the overall estate).
If you only have children, your estate would be split equally among all the children.
Keep in mind that only your biological and adopted children will inherit from you if you do not have a will. If you would like to leave part of your estate to step-children, foster children, godchildren, or other children who are close to your heart, you’ll want to make plans for that in your will or through non-probate beneficiary designations.
Here’s what would happen if you died unmarried and without children:
If you have a parent, the entire estate would go to your parent(s).
If you have sibling(s) but no living parents, the estate will be split equally among your siblings.
If you have no parents or siblings, the estate will be split equally among your siblings’ children.
If you’ve none of the above, the estate would be split equally among paternal and maternal aunts and uncles.
You don’t have to die to see how this one might end if you don’t write your decisions out!
Who Makes Funeral Decisions if You Die in Tennessee?
Similar to the above, if no one has been legally designated to make funeral decisions on their loved one’s behalf, it falls to the next-of-kin, which would be the spouse or adult children. Once the family member takes responsibility for making and paying for their loved one’s funeral arrangements, they sign a legal contract that obligates the funeral home to follow instructions from that family member alone.
Make sure you tell your family what you want so there’s a consensus during a difficult time..
What if there are no next of kin?
If there are no next of kin (as defined above) and no personal representative, any other person willing to assume responsibility and arrange the funeral (including the funeral director) can make funeral decisions, after attesting that a good faith effort has been made. As for your estate, if no family can be found it will ultimately be turned over to unclaimed property.
Learn More from Graceful Aging Legal Services
Don’t leave a blank space for your family members to fill in regarding your end of life wishes. Don’t keep them second-guessing. Instead, leave something that people can read like a magazine to know what you want your life – and death – to be like. Want more tips like this one? Sign up for our newsletter!
Getting married is an exciting time: a celebration of love and commitment, and the beginning of a new chapter together. Along with the joy and happiness, it’s important to consider the practical aspects.
One is the prenuptial agreement, often referred to as a “prenup.” While prenuptial agreements may not be the most romantic topic to discuss, they can play a vital role in safeguarding your future together and preparing for the difficulties of marriage before you say “I do.”
Do you remember the viral Reddit post of the man who was upset when his partner wanted to share the expenses of having a child? While that couple wasn’t legally married, this is the perfect example of how to negotiate a prenup. An experienced attorney will guide you through lots of questions when discussing your options for a prenup. Think of them as ways to get closer to your future spouse, rather than preparing for a break up.
Regardless of what personal matters you may want to address within your prenuptial document, here are the primary reasons you should consider getting one.
1. Financial Security
One benefit of a prenuptial agreement is the financial security it provides. A prenup allows couples to have open, honest conversations about their financial expectations and obligations.
In outlining each person’s assets, debts, and financial contributions, both parties can feel secure knowing their rights and financial interests are protected. This helps minimize conflicts and misunderstandings during the marriage. Some points to consider about prenuptial agreements include:
Protection of pre-marital assets: It can ensure that property or assets acquired by either party before marriage remain in their possession after a divorce.
Clarification of financial responsibilities: Clearly stating each party’s financial obligations during the marriage can minimize potential disputes about finances.
Division of marital property: A prenup can provide guidelines for the division of marital assets in case of divorce, reducing time spent on legal battles. Consider that you intend to continue making contributions to your 401k after you wed. That account will likely become a marital asset and your spouse will become entitled to part of it, even if they didn’t personally put any money in. However, your intended spouse can waive your rights to the account as part of the discussion and signing of a prenuptial agreement.
2. Protecting Family Interests
Another benefit of a prenuptial agreement is the ability to protect family members’ interests, particularly children from previous relationships. Addressing the distribution of assets and financial responsibilities in the event of a divorce or death can ensure that children from previous relationships are provided for.
Some thoughts about protecting family interests through a prenuptial agreement:
Protection of inheritance rights: This can outline the distribution of assets and inheritance rights so the intended beneficiaries receive their rightful share.
Financial protection for minor children: When partners have children from other relationships, a prenup can offer financial security for well-being and education.
Stress-free estate planning: Outlining property rights and distribution can simplify the estate planning process and minimize potential family conflicts. If your family or friends have ever started to use the phrase “gold digger” about your new beloved, a prenup is a clear way to make it clear what you want for everyone in your life.
3. Preserving Business Assets
For business owners, a prenuptial agreement can protect entrepreneurial efforts and keep business operations running smoothly. It can also help shield business assets from division during a divorce.
Considerations for business owners when it comes to prenuptial agreements:
Protection of business interests: Establish that the business, including its assets and future growth, is considered separate property.
Succession planning: With succession planning, a prenuptial agreement can ensure the smooth transition of the business in case of death or divorce.
Financial stability for the business: Outlining the financial responsibilities and obligations of each partner can maintain financial stability and growth.
Prenuptial agreements are not just for the wealthy or those anticipating divorce. They are valuable legal tools for couples looking to protect their individual rights and interests. By addressing important financial and family matters upfront, prenups can build a strong foundation of trust, transparency, and shared goals.
Sign Up for Our Newsletter
Talking about prenuptial agreements may feel uncomfortable or unromantic, but they offer benefits for couples preparing to tie the knot. Whether it’s about financial security, protecting family interests, or preserving business assets, a prenup can lay the groundwork for a successful and harmonious marriage.
If you’re considering a prenuptial agreement, get in touch with an experienced attorney who can guide you through the process. At Graceful Aging Legal Services, we understand the significance of protecting your future together. We’re well-versed in helping couples create prenuptial agreements that meet their unique needs.
