As we enter into the holiday season, I’ve invited my dear friend, Gabby Daikon, to share her experience with grief after losing her mother as a young adult. I met Gabby about a year ago through her grief journals and later joined her for virtual Yoga Nidra and “bad bitch” meditations. In a year that has been unpredictable, these practices have brought me comfort, and I hope her words will be a comfort to you.
Grief is all-consuming and yet different for every individual.
For me it felt like a fog, a fog that I knew was there but I couldn’t get to the other side of it. I hear that is what Seattle is like, I guess grief is like Seattle. I have never been but I hear it is beautiful but always cloudy. I think grief is similar in that it feels constantly dreary but also has a weird comfort and connection to the true essence of life. I am sorry if you live in Seattle and that offended you. I truthfully have no idea what Seattle is like.
Grief is a journey
My grief journey has been a bumpy ride, to say the least. I have struggled tremendously, found support, struggled again, learned to surrender and the ride keeps on going. I found that my biggest mistake was pretending to be OK. I held all of the burdens of my losses inside of myself and made myself sick. Truly sick.
Ride the waves
We run and hide from any negative emotions, but the more we tense and grip, the harder they hit. Instead, float on the tides. Let your emotions move you around without crashing over you; brutally. Wade into the fears, float with them, don’t judge yourself, and usually, you can come out without drowning.
Grief-positivity
My true healing began when I learned how to surrender to the pain, the grief, and all of the parts that make this life. It is so sad that grief is such a large part of life and yet rarely spoken about. I believe that when we begin to speak about it we can all heal and find the beauty in our journey.
Yoga Nidra provides a moment of reprieve
I found Yoga Nidra at a time when I truly needed it. I felt this constant pain of anxiety because I had this undercurrent of grief that I just could not truly access. Yoga Nidra was the first time I felt at peace for 45 minutes. I am not saying it healed me completely but it gave me a moment of reprieve and sometimes when we are deep in the grief journey that is all we can ask for. A moment of reprieve.
Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation
Yoga Nidra gives us the opportunity to float with the currents. During Yoga Nidra there are no moving postures, simply lie wherever you feel comfortable and allow yourself to feel supported. It is a guided meditation – you are not left alone with your thoughts, you are supported by the meditation. During this time you may be having trouble feeling rested, Yoga Nidra is equivalent to 3 ½ hours of deep REM sleep to the body. It also helps move energy through the subconscious mind and welcome what the mind needs to welcome without the tension and anxiety attached to it.
Yoga Nidra makes you an observer of the mind, an observer of grief, being able to welcome it without having it drown you. I invite you to just take a few deep breaths, allow what comes to come, and know that you can handle it.
Grief is personal
There are scientific benefits that I can list but the truth is that grief is not some scientific formula, we just have to do what we can to get through and for me, that was writing to my Mom and other loved ones when I truly needed her and Yoga Nidra. With the loss of a key family member there is so much more loss that people don’t speak about- like; the family dynamics, your personality, a self-identity, and so much more. So if you are deep in your grief all I can offer is my truest empathy and compassion because there are no magic words, it is just hard, and sometimes we just need people to understand how hard it is.
Use the promo code GALS to get a discount on one of Gabby’s services
Looking to reduce stress and anxiety? Improve your mental clarity? If so, consider adding Yoga Nidra to your wellness routine. Use the promo code “GALS” and you can get a discount on Gabby’s services.
For the month of November, we want to focus on caregivers. While family caregiving can be rewarding, it also takes a toll. Most family caregivers hope to add a professional service to their loved one’s support system, but figuring out how to do that is just one more thing to add to your already-full plate.
What types of care are there? Who provides these services? How much do they cost? What limits are there? How do I pick the right service for my family?
You’ve got the right questions, and Google is overwhelming. So we called in an expert. Our friend Perry Brown, President of our local Right at Home care team, was kind enough to provide us information about the types of care options available and the most common questions you may have. If you’d like to know more about Right at Home, we encourage you to check out their website here and sign up for their newsletter. If you are ready to talk to someone about in-home care, Perry and his team would be happy to help. You can reach them by phone at (615) 360-0006 or by email at [email protected].
Let’s Look at Types of Care You May Want to Consider
When an older loved one or adult with a disability needs caring support at home, it can feel daunting to know which professional care services are best. Who can help with bathing and meals? Is a registered nurse needed for wound care? Can hospice care happen at home?
The Global Coalition on Aging and the Home Care Association of America state that almost 70% of Americans who turn age 65 will need assistance at some point to care for themselves. These senior care industry leaders also report that “already 40% of adults aged 65+ need assistance with daily living activities.” The fast-growing care needs of the country’s increasingly older population can leave care recipients and their families confused over in-home care options. The complexity of nonmedical and medical services available also may jeopardize a loved one from getting the timely and attentive care they need.
To help simplify the professional in-home care choices, Lorraine Grote Johnson, Director of Care Quality at Right at Home, a leading in-home care agency, notes that it is important to understand the differences between home care and home healthcare. Grote Johnson, a registered nurse for more than 35 years in both hospital and home settings, gives the following overview of common care services available in the home.
Home Care
In-home caregivers are the extra hand to provide personalized support to a loved one in their own familiar home surroundings. Home care can be part time, full time or live-in assistance ranging from light housekeeping and meal preparation to personal grooming and toileting. At-home caregivers can provide care services such as being a companion who helps write the grandchildren to driving the care client to medical appointments and to complete errands. Home care allows a loved one to stay safe and independent at home as long as possible. Grote Johnson points out that home care staff members are not legally allowed to take on skilled medical care such as dispensing medications and working with tube feedings. Most at-home caregiving services are covered through private pay.
Home Healthcare
Home healthcare is skilled nursing care that is prescribed and directed by a physician and supervised by a registered nurse. Home healthcare is suited for complex health issues that require a higher level of medical assistance, or when a loved one is recovering from an injury or recent illness. A professional skilled nursing team can accommodate a client’s numerous medical care situations such as monitoring vital signs, medication setup and management, dressing changes, and continence care.
“Generally, home healthcare is delivered by Medicare-certified companies and may include physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy,” Grote Johnson said. “A registered nurse makes a care plan and supervises a home health aide who helps a client with activities of daily living such as bathing and dressing. The RN does supervisory visits in the home at least once every two weeks.”
Medicare and other health service providers that pay for home healthcare determine the number and length of nurse visits to the home. Private pay skilled nursing care has no limit on in-home service hours. Specialized palliative care and hospice care also fit within the realm of home healthcare.
Palliative Care
Palliative care is specialized support for people living with a serious illness or transitioning toward death. Palliative care focuses on pain relief, comfort and reduced stress for an ill loved one and balanced overall health for the patient and family members. Palliative care serves not only the dying but also those with chronic diseases such as cancer, congestive heart failure, kidney disease and Alzheimer’s. A specially trained palliative care team includes doctors, nurses, professional caregivers and other specialists who work together to improve the quality of life for the care client.
Hospice Care
Originating in Europe during the Middle Ages, hospice, which is derived from the Latin word for “hospitality,” is care that aids the critically ill and dying with medical, emotional and spiritual support. Hospice or end-of-life care is a type of palliative care, but the ailing person is no longer seeking curative treatment. The aim of hospice care is to extend comfort, peace and dignity to individuals in the dying process. Hospice programs also support a patient’s family with counseling and bereavement care. Hospice teams of doctors, nurses, social workers, chaplains and other caregivers provide care in patients’ homes or at a hospice center, hospital or in-patient care facility.
“Hospice typically serves a terminally ill person with a life expectancy of six months or less,” Grote Johnson explains. “In some cases, a hospice patient’s health improves to the point where the individual no longer needs the specialized care. Also, if a person starts to feel better, they may want to negate hospice and start receiving curative medical treatment again. At any point, a hospice client can change their mind about their care.”
Tips for Choosing At-Home Care
Because of the quickly expanding number of at-home services on the market today, Perry Brown, President Right at Home Nashville advises those in need of care and their families to consider the following tips for choosing at-home care:
Select services only from a professional, licensed agency. Make sure you see actual proof of certification and licensing for the agency.
Be certain that the caregiver who works with your loved one is insured and bonded.
Get a detailed care plan or treatment plan upfront. Ask about goals of the suggested services.
Review the caregiver’s qualifications, experience and amount of supervision on the job.
Discuss all financial costs and evaluate options for saving money on home care, including long-term care insurance, a reverse mortgage, Veterans Aid and Attendance benefits, etc. Reference Right at Home’s information on how to pay for home care.
For securing skilled nursing care and home healthcare, Grote Johnson offers additional suggestions. “Choose a company that knows and maintains federal and state regulations,” Grote Johnson advises. “Make sure the company does criminal background checks on their nurses and caregivers and verifies their licenses. Ask whether the nursing staff has gone through a thorough orientation and if they know infection control practices and what to do in emergencies. Also, make sure skilled nursing staff members have critical thinking skills and completed competency testing, and that home health nurses have the proper qualifications, because they are taking your loved one’s life into their hands in what could be life-or-death situations.”
Availability of qualified at-home services varies by locales across the country, so Brown recommends reviewing at-home agencies online, then visiting with the agencies in person. “Be sure to check references of the in-home agency candidates and their specific caregivers,” Brown explained. “Talk to others in the community who are familiar with the agencies and their reputations. In getting the best care possible for your loved one, every question and concern matters.” For additional information about choosing home care, home healthcare, palliative care or hospice care in your area, talk with local medical professionals for referrals, or contact the National Association for Home Care & Hospice, or use the U.S. Administration on Aging’s Eldercare Locator.
As we approach Halloween and Día de los Muertos, it seemed appropriate to get a little more matter-of-fact about deathcare resources. One end-of-life resource that we want to highlight is the option of engaging a “death doula” for those who are facing the end of their lives.
Our guest blogger this week is Ellen Abbott. We met Ellen in her role as Care Manager for Visionary Care Consultants but soon learned that we shared an interest in helping people through some of the most difficult transitions of life. Ellen completed her certification as a death doula in 2019, so we asked her to tell us more about what a death doula is and how they serve those at the end of their lives.
You may have heard recently about a “death doula” or an “end of life doula” and wondered who they are and what do they do? As a death doula myself, I’m happy to tell you!
What is a death doula?. We use midwives to educate and assist families to help bring babies into the world, why not have the same for those who are towards the end of their journey here?
There is a growing movement among end-of-life professionals in the United States to bring back the role of a non-medical person who stands in the gap between doctors, hospice, and the family of a dying loved one. This person guides the family and the client around the maze of the healthcare system, educates on hospice, offers practical information about death and provides emotional support around the entire process.
Who do death doulas serve?
A death doula serves the dying person as well as their loved ones. The goal of a death doula is to make sure that their client’s final wishes and needs are carried out before, during and after their death. This creates a healing and easier transition for the client and family.
When should a death doula be called?
You don’t have to have a terminal diagnosis to hire a death doula. There are some doulas who focus on helping their clients plan so that they know what they want at the end of life, and instructions on what the family needs to know to carry out those wishes. This is extremely helpful to the family and client since the topic of death and final wishes are not popular conversations in today’s world.
How do death doulas charge for their services?
Every death doula is different. Most offer free consultations and then an hourly rate of anywhere from $30-$100 an hour. Some offer packages for legacy planning along with being present for the client at the time of death. In middle Tennessee there is a Death Doula alliance, made up of local doulas that have been trained specifically for this role. They come from all backgrounds but usually from nursing, social work, counseling or clergy.
Over the last century, death has been viewed as a medical failure even though we all know one day we will die. A death doula helps to normalize these conversations and talk about these topics that no one wants to bring up. The death doula starts with the end in mind, to ease client’s fears, knowing they have a plan and someone at their side when the time comes.
Your medical power of attorney, also known as your healthcare power of attorney (HPOA), should name somebody who is accessible in an emergency. This is someone who will naturally be right by your side or someone who will be available by cell phone. This person is known as your “agent” for healthcare decisions.
Who is the best person for the job?
The ideal candidate for a healthcare agent is someone who can meet these basic qualifications:
You trust their judgment
It’s good to have somebody who is already in a position of making decisions with you and for you. Someone who you would trust to help you in carrying out the decisions that you have made. They also need to be able to take the information you have provided them and apply it to a different situation.
They can handle stress in an emergency
All medical emergencies are stressful. Pick an agent who has a history of making logical decisions at difficult times.
The agent will honor your values regarding medical decisions or end-of-life care
The agent you choose should be someone who knows you very well. You have discussed your values, goals, and preferences. Make sure your agent is someone who will act as your spokesperson and advocate.
You feel comfortable speaking to them about your death, dying, or care during incapacitation
In order to have a good healthcare agent, make sure that you are both comfortable discussing your values around death and dying. This is a serious topic that deserves a well-thought-out conversation. Be prepared to discuss what quality of life you want to have and what types of treatments you would want to have to maintain it. The more you speak together about your feelings towards death, dying, and treatments if incapacitated, the better your agent will be.
They will be available at any time
A good healthcare agent is someone who is going to be available when you need them. There’s no way for you to know when you will need your healthcare power of attorney. You need a reliable person who will answer the phone or make a return call as soon as they get the message that they are needed to make healthcare decisions for you.
Someone who lives nearby
Oftentimes it’s a good idea to choose an agent who lives close by. While not completely necessary, it is better to have an agent who will naturally come to the hospital to be with you during an emergency.
Someone who is younger than you
While not necessary, it is often very useful to have an agent who will likely outlive you.
Choose someone who can be your proxy for medical decisions.
In conclusion
Again, your healthcare agent should be someone who is easily accessible. Someone that you feel comfortable discussing your wishes with, even though they may be uncomfortable topics, and someone who respects your choices and would help you carry them out. Most people pick their spouse or adult child to be their healthcare agent. However, if you have a medical professional in your family, that person may be a good choice depending on their relationship with you. Ultimately it is up to you to choose someone you are comfortable with making these types of medical decisions.
Why do you need a healthcare power of attorney?
While not all healthcare power of attorneys ever go into effect, it is important to have one in the case of an emergency. You never know when you will be unable to make decisions or communicate your decisions for yourself. If you need help with creating a healthcare power of attorney, medical directive, or other documents that formulate a well-thought-out estate plan, consider scheduling an initial call with us.
There are many ways that seniors are preyed upon by scammers. Some ways are more common than others. In each instance, a scammer seeks to gain control of the elderly person’s finances or property for their own benefit. However, in order to stop fraud, it’s important to know the specifics. The following post will discuss how to help your aging parents avoid scams and fraud.
Educate Seniors About Suspicious Phone Calls
Swindlers often cold-call seniors to get personal information. Here are a few common phone scams you can look out for:
Sweepstakes scams
Inform your elder to be suspicious of phone calls stating that they have “won” a sweepstakes. These scams will try to get the senior to provide bank account information for direct deposit. They may also try to convince the senior to send a check to pay for the taxes on their “winnings”.
Grandchild scams
In this scam, an elder will receive a call from someone stating that they are a grandchild who is in trouble and in need of help. When the senior answers the phone they will hear something like this: “Grandma, it’s me… please don’t tell my parents.” The caller will then claim they are out of town and need to be wired money to make bail or to pay for travel expenses. Have a discussion with your loved ones about what to do if they receive a phone call like this. Many families create a “code word” for everyone to use. If the scammer doesn’t know the code word, then they are not who they say they are. A code word is a quick and effective way to vet emergency phone calls.
Voter registration scams
The voter registration scam is when someone calls about registering the elder to vote, asking for their address, birthday, Social Security Number, or a password or PIN code.
Healthcare scams
An elder may get a call offering discounts on health insurance or a call from someone claiming they work for the government and need a Medicare number or Social Security Number to issue a new card.
How to Help Seniors Avoid Being Scammed on the Telephone
We cannot stress how important it is to encourage seniors to never give out their personal information to strangersover the phone. Even if the people on the phone are claiming to be friends or loved ones!This is one of the best ways you can help your seniors avoid getting scammed. If your loved one is getting an exorbitant amount of phone calls from people they don’t know, consider asking them if you can change the settings on their phone to only allow notifications from numbers already found in their contacts.
If you suspect your aging parent has already been a victim of a fraud crime, report it to the National Elder Fraud Hotline 833–FRAUD–11. This hotline is a free resource created by the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), Office for Victims of Crime for people to report fraud against anyone age 60 or older.
Help Aging Parents Avoid Scams by Talking Openly About Finances
Ask your aging parents if they would consider allowing you to join them on their next visit to financial advisors, accountants, attorneys, and other important service providers. If you are welcome to join them, you will have a unique opportunity to prove to the providers your relationship and good intentions towards the senior. If the service provider believes that you have the senior’s best interest at heart, they may contact you when and if they believe something suspicious is going on with your loved one’s accounts.
We must warn you that becoming too involved in a loved one’s financial life may create the appearance of undue influence. It is important to help keep loved ones from being exploited, but you also don’t want to find yourself the subject of a lawsuit claiming that you are the one committing financial exploitation. Please be careful in how you approach discussing finances with the seniors in your life.
Stay Up to Date on Changes Made to Their Estate Plan
Check to see if a non-relative has been included as a representative or beneficiary, or if any relatives have been cut out of the estate plan since the last time you reviewed it. There may be perfectly reasonable explanations for these changes. However, they could also indicate that someone is trying to manipulate your loved one.
Ask Your Senior About Caretakers or Sudden “Best Friends“
Has a non-relative, long-time friend, or neighbor started spending a lot of time with your loved one? Do they suddenly have a new “best friend” or someone who takes care of them at home?
These developments could be a sign that someone is trying to work their way into an elder’s life in order to exploit them, financially or otherwise. It might seem innocent enough (and even generous!) for a new friend to “hang out” with an elder and take care of their medical and financial needs. But because of the potential for abuse, we recommend hiring caregivers through a reputable agency. Obtain reviews and make sure they have the proper licensure and training.
Making new friends and meeting people is fine, and even encouraged to minimize the isolation that many older adults face. However, it’s important to communicate with your loved ones to make sure they are not giving un-vetted people undue control over their life.
Investigate Sudden Missing Items or Extravagant New Purchases
It is important to talk with your elderly loved ones about finances so that, if they consent, you can regularly review their statements and stay up to date on other financial developments. One easy way to do this is to have the senior grant you view-only access to their bank accounts. You may also consider a paid subscription monitoring app such as EverSafe or LifeLock. These companies provide constant monitoring for any unusual activity on the accounts. This makes preventing suspicious transactions much easier.
Make sure to ask questions about weird financial transactions. Have there been any large cash transfers? Vehicles suddenly missing or new ones showing up unexpectedly? Heirloom household items that have disappeared? Fancy or expensive new gadgets showing up that are out of character for your loved one to buy? This can indicate that someone has convinced the elder to give them assets or that they have duped the elder into buying something they don’t need.
Recruit Friends, Family, Social Groups, and Neighbors to Keep a Watchful Eye on Your Senior
Keep an open dialogue with neighbors, friends, and advisors who are connected with your aging loved ones. The more people you have looking out, the less likely it is that someone can take advantage of them without your knowledge. Elder abuse is less likely when a senior has a variety of people checking in on them.
A Strong Estate Plan Can Help Aging Parents Avoid Scams
Finally, encourage your aging parents to meet privately with an experienced Elder Law Attorney to determine what they can do to protect themselves from bad actors. Having a legal document in place naming a trusted advisor, or agent, to help handle finances can protect them. An experienced Elder Law Attorney also knows what questions to ask and the warning signs to look for in suspected elder exploitation.
Other Ways You Can Help Aging Parents Avoid Scams
The main point you should take away is that it’s important to have an open dialogue with your aging parents about the variety of scam tactics out there. Send your loved ones this article about how to protect themselves. It has a lot of great tips that can be implemented right away.
Do you want help creating a Financial Power of Attorney or other legal support? Give us a call. You can schedule your free 15-minute Initial Call online. It’s easy! We are here to help.
Elder fraud and financial exploitation have become an epidemic. As a Nashville elder law attorney, I am seeing more than ever before, con artists and family members alike taking advantage of their elderly relatives, friends, or neighbors. The numbers have only gotten worse with the Covid-19 pandemic and a larger aging population.
The best defense against elder fraud is having caring friends or family with the senior’s best interests at heart. But those friends and family can only prevent elder fraud if they know how to spot it.
What is Elder Fraud?
Broadly defined, elder fraud is when someone improperly (or illegally) uses or steals a vulnerable senior’s assets. Every state has a different definition of “elder fraud” or “financial exploitation” of an elderly person. In Tennessee, financial exploitation of elders or other vulnerable adults can be prosecuted under criminal and civil laws. Edler fraud is a form of Elder Abuse.
The 3 Common Financial Scams that Victimize Seniors
A recent survey identified the three most common scenarios of financial exploitation:
Theft or diversion of funds or property by family members.
Diversion of funds or property by caregivers.
Financial scams perpetrated by strangers.
In the two most common scenarios of financial exploitation, the fraud is committed by someone who knows the elderly person. Most people think of fraud as emails from Nigerian princes or telephone scams. In reality, however, financial exploitation is commonly perpetrated by family and friends.
Another common misconception is that adults are only susceptible to elder fraud if they have a condition that can affect memory and reasoning skills. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, 15-20% of elders 65 and older have some type of mild cognitive impairment. But it is important to recognize that any senior can fall victim to elder fraud, and many do.
How Can I Help a Senior Avoid Being Scammed?
There are a number of things you can do to help prevent your loved one from being taken advantage of. Start by educating them on the tell-tale signs of elder fraud and how to protect themselves.
Most importantly, if you are concerned that a loved one is being targeted by a financial predator or a loved one with bad intentions, you should seek help as soon as possible. That may mean calling the police, your loved one’s attorney, and in some cases, even the FBI.
As an Elder Law Attorney in Nashville, I am here to guide you through any of the issues that you may be facing. To schedule an appointment, simply call schedule a free 15-minute Initial Call and we’ll see if we can provide you with some guidance on what to do to help you avoid common scams that victimize seniors.
